I sat there scared. After three years, my family had put their foot down and told me I was to look into proposals. There was no running away from it. “We don’t want to see you lonely. We want to see you by your husband and your children, knowing you are cared for, loved for”, my mother had pleaded with me.
That is how I was here. The meeting was arranged at the White Sands beach hotel. I sat there on the beach bench, facing the beautiful Indian Ocean. The breeze blew on my face gently assuring me that it would be alright. I looked down at my hands: they were shaking, my face was flushed and I tried to calm down my breathing. Past memories flashed before my eyes…
I had been eighteen. Naïve, Innocent, Carefree. A young beauty adored by my family and friends. I had gone to my friends wedding in Nairobi, what all fun we had. Late nights, movies, driving away early in the morning to catch the sunrise, the national park. Oh yes, I remembered Sarah’s wedding very well. It was where I met him.
He was the most handsome man I had seen. Tall and strong. Kind of a leader. My heart had skipped a beat when our eyes met. He stood there by the groom looking at me as I and other bridesmaids brought Sarah in. I tried to avoid looking at him. I knew I was already tomato red from blushing and if my friends got any inkling, I was dead. They would tease me miserably.
Disaster struck then. We had forgotten the bridal dupatta at home. Sarah was to wear that when she would be sent off. We girls panicked and didn’t know what to do. I volunteered to go and get it fast. It was just a fifteen minute drive. I silently got up and walked towards the door of the hall. In the parking lot, I couldn’t find the driver. “Oh no!” I was close to tears.
“Can I help you?” I turned back. Her heart stopped. It was him. “Err..Hmm..I…actually...” He smiled. As though he knew what I was going through. He most probably thought I was a school girl having one of my crushes. I got mad at myself. I never have a crush!! The men or rather the boys fell for me, but not me. No not me. “I need a drive home” I said confidently trying to calm my racing heart. “Come along then, I will drive you” and he lead me to his car. I was still nervous but he didn’t say a word. We reached home and I rushed upstairs, got the bag we had forgotten and ran down.
I was out of breath by the time I sat in the car. He looked at me. Rather stared. “What?” I asked him. “You have some kind of magic” he said looking at me in the eye. I sat there for a moment lost in the emotions I was feeling. “I mean the way you ran and came; I think you have hidden wings”, he grinned with mischief. Snap! Oh gosh he was pulling my leg. And there for a moment I thought…
We reached the hall and separated. The wedding concluded smoothly and Sarah was bid adieu. Tomorrow, Arwa and I would return home and I would never see him again.
I came home changed. I didn’t know what had happened. I saw his face everywhere. The way he looked at me, his smile! Yes, he had a wonderful smile. Days passed but his thought didn’t leave me.
One day, I had just come from my computer class when the phone rang. “Hello?” I said trying to reach for a cookie on the table. “Hi.” I froze. I would recognize his voice anywhere. “Its me. Do you remember?” I didn’t want him to know I remembered! “Who?” I asked innocently. “The one who thinks you have magic” and that silenced me. I felt so happy and I did a little jig of joy “Oh hey, how did you get my number?” “From Sarah” he replied. There was a pause and then to my astonishment he said something that I would never forget. “Will you marry me?” “What?!!” I was sure to have a heart attack; I could hear my heart beats in my head. “Will you marry me?” “Err...Uhh...Hmmm” He laughed. “I will be coming with my parents this weekend to your place. My father will call up tonight so do tell your father too.” “Okay” Okay? Okay?! He was asking me to marry him and I was saying Okay! This was way beyond my fantasies. They called it love at first sight in books.
They came, the wedding was fixed, the marriage took place and that’s when the trouble began. The young girl was transformed suddenly into a wife. I had to take care of his family, him, his needs. If his mother got displeased, he would threaten to divorce me. One day I had forgotten to put salt in his food, he threw the plate on my face. I touched my forehead. The mark was still there. It had just been the first year of our marriage. What happened? What had gone wrong? Father had searched them well, what background they came from, their social standing, his character…everything had seemed impeccable. He seemed such a gentleman to me.
In all I did, he found faults. “Look at my mother, look at my sister”. Was I incompetent? I was the head girl in my school, top ranking, and the heart of my friends. My teachers had loved me. My parents thought I was an obedient child. Then where did I falter? One day he asked me if I would like to go to my parent’s home. “Yes”, I replied. Scared to show hope. “O.k., you can go tomorrow” “Tomorrow?” I asked surprised. “Yes, tomorrow.” I had a stinking feeling. Had I done something wrong? He hadn’t complained about the food. I didn’t think his mother said anything bad about me today, may be he was just happy with me so he was letting me go. I sincerely prayed so.
I went home the next day. At home, my parents welcomed me. They hugged me and I started crying. They asked me if everything was ok. I would say just fine and I was simply crying because I was happy to see them. I wouldn’t tell them my troubles. I was nineteen only but I knew parents worry about their children and I didn’t want to get them tensed.
I spent a few peaceful days with them. I was no longer the bubbly child up to pranks anymore. Often, my mother would catch me staring in space. She didn’t believe that I was happy, mothers always know. They after all knew what we wanted when we couldn’t even speak. She asked me indirectly, inquiring about this or that, but I told her all was fine. “It’s a different environment” I said cautiously. “Trying to fit in” I smiled at her. She asked me about the mark on my forehead, “Oh this” I stammered. “I fell down the stairs” She looked at me. She knew I was lying.
It happened the next day. The phone rang early in the morning while we were having breakfast. I picked it up. It was my mother-in-law. She sounded annoyed. She asked to speak to my mother and I got scared. What had I done now? Mother spoke to her nicely asking her how she was etc. and then I heard her say “How can you say that. Are you in the right frame of mind?” I asked her what was happening. She gave me the phone and I heard the words “We have decided that you don’t fit in our family. Therefore, my son is going to divorce you. We are coming this weekend to get the divorce”
My body shook with shock as the receiver fell down. I could see the world becoming dim as my father caught me before I hit the ground. When I woke up, my parents were fussing over me. Mother had got some cold water and wiping my forehead. She was crying uncontrollably. Father was talking over the phone to them. He was pleading. He asked them what grave mistake I had done that it had reached to the point of a divorce. I had never seen my father beg. He was a man of pride. He had less, but he had honor. Oh how I wished I had not lived to see this day.
He didn’t want to speak to me. When they came down, at the court I asked him “What was it that I did that made you take this decision?” He told me the last words that resound till now, “You did nothing at all for me”.
I did nothing for him? I looked back at that one year when I tried my best to do everything I could. And he says I did nothing? Nothing? What did nothing mean?
While these thoughts were going on, the divorce was proclaimed. I was a divorcee, a social stigma, a shame to my family and a charity for my father.
Here I was again, ten years later, a doctor, a pediatrician and by the grace of God, a successful one. I left home with a broken heart and poured myself in my studies. Honors, laurels, admiration, all came. Yet when I asked myself what I thought of me, “Nothing” is my answer. A strong breeze gets me to my present. Who was I cheating? Even if I looked into proposals, I would never have the courage to say yes. Once bitten, twice shy. I was happy, wasn’t I? The children in the ward thought the world of me, my friends loved me, so did my whole family. What of it, if I didn’t have one kind of love.
I got up. Leaving a note expressing my regret to the prospective groom, I mentioned that I wasn’t ready for marriage and was sorry to have inconvenienced him.
The meeting was over.
That is how I was here. The meeting was arranged at the White Sands beach hotel. I sat there on the beach bench, facing the beautiful Indian Ocean. The breeze blew on my face gently assuring me that it would be alright. I looked down at my hands: they were shaking, my face was flushed and I tried to calm down my breathing. Past memories flashed before my eyes…
I had been eighteen. Naïve, Innocent, Carefree. A young beauty adored by my family and friends. I had gone to my friends wedding in Nairobi, what all fun we had. Late nights, movies, driving away early in the morning to catch the sunrise, the national park. Oh yes, I remembered Sarah’s wedding very well. It was where I met him.
He was the most handsome man I had seen. Tall and strong. Kind of a leader. My heart had skipped a beat when our eyes met. He stood there by the groom looking at me as I and other bridesmaids brought Sarah in. I tried to avoid looking at him. I knew I was already tomato red from blushing and if my friends got any inkling, I was dead. They would tease me miserably.
Disaster struck then. We had forgotten the bridal dupatta at home. Sarah was to wear that when she would be sent off. We girls panicked and didn’t know what to do. I volunteered to go and get it fast. It was just a fifteen minute drive. I silently got up and walked towards the door of the hall. In the parking lot, I couldn’t find the driver. “Oh no!” I was close to tears.
“Can I help you?” I turned back. Her heart stopped. It was him. “Err..Hmm..I…actually...” He smiled. As though he knew what I was going through. He most probably thought I was a school girl having one of my crushes. I got mad at myself. I never have a crush!! The men or rather the boys fell for me, but not me. No not me. “I need a drive home” I said confidently trying to calm my racing heart. “Come along then, I will drive you” and he lead me to his car. I was still nervous but he didn’t say a word. We reached home and I rushed upstairs, got the bag we had forgotten and ran down.
I was out of breath by the time I sat in the car. He looked at me. Rather stared. “What?” I asked him. “You have some kind of magic” he said looking at me in the eye. I sat there for a moment lost in the emotions I was feeling. “I mean the way you ran and came; I think you have hidden wings”, he grinned with mischief. Snap! Oh gosh he was pulling my leg. And there for a moment I thought…
We reached the hall and separated. The wedding concluded smoothly and Sarah was bid adieu. Tomorrow, Arwa and I would return home and I would never see him again.
I came home changed. I didn’t know what had happened. I saw his face everywhere. The way he looked at me, his smile! Yes, he had a wonderful smile. Days passed but his thought didn’t leave me.
One day, I had just come from my computer class when the phone rang. “Hello?” I said trying to reach for a cookie on the table. “Hi.” I froze. I would recognize his voice anywhere. “Its me. Do you remember?” I didn’t want him to know I remembered! “Who?” I asked innocently. “The one who thinks you have magic” and that silenced me. I felt so happy and I did a little jig of joy “Oh hey, how did you get my number?” “From Sarah” he replied. There was a pause and then to my astonishment he said something that I would never forget. “Will you marry me?” “What?!!” I was sure to have a heart attack; I could hear my heart beats in my head. “Will you marry me?” “Err...Uhh...Hmmm” He laughed. “I will be coming with my parents this weekend to your place. My father will call up tonight so do tell your father too.” “Okay” Okay? Okay?! He was asking me to marry him and I was saying Okay! This was way beyond my fantasies. They called it love at first sight in books.
They came, the wedding was fixed, the marriage took place and that’s when the trouble began. The young girl was transformed suddenly into a wife. I had to take care of his family, him, his needs. If his mother got displeased, he would threaten to divorce me. One day I had forgotten to put salt in his food, he threw the plate on my face. I touched my forehead. The mark was still there. It had just been the first year of our marriage. What happened? What had gone wrong? Father had searched them well, what background they came from, their social standing, his character…everything had seemed impeccable. He seemed such a gentleman to me.
In all I did, he found faults. “Look at my mother, look at my sister”. Was I incompetent? I was the head girl in my school, top ranking, and the heart of my friends. My teachers had loved me. My parents thought I was an obedient child. Then where did I falter? One day he asked me if I would like to go to my parent’s home. “Yes”, I replied. Scared to show hope. “O.k., you can go tomorrow” “Tomorrow?” I asked surprised. “Yes, tomorrow.” I had a stinking feeling. Had I done something wrong? He hadn’t complained about the food. I didn’t think his mother said anything bad about me today, may be he was just happy with me so he was letting me go. I sincerely prayed so.
I went home the next day. At home, my parents welcomed me. They hugged me and I started crying. They asked me if everything was ok. I would say just fine and I was simply crying because I was happy to see them. I wouldn’t tell them my troubles. I was nineteen only but I knew parents worry about their children and I didn’t want to get them tensed.
I spent a few peaceful days with them. I was no longer the bubbly child up to pranks anymore. Often, my mother would catch me staring in space. She didn’t believe that I was happy, mothers always know. They after all knew what we wanted when we couldn’t even speak. She asked me indirectly, inquiring about this or that, but I told her all was fine. “It’s a different environment” I said cautiously. “Trying to fit in” I smiled at her. She asked me about the mark on my forehead, “Oh this” I stammered. “I fell down the stairs” She looked at me. She knew I was lying.
It happened the next day. The phone rang early in the morning while we were having breakfast. I picked it up. It was my mother-in-law. She sounded annoyed. She asked to speak to my mother and I got scared. What had I done now? Mother spoke to her nicely asking her how she was etc. and then I heard her say “How can you say that. Are you in the right frame of mind?” I asked her what was happening. She gave me the phone and I heard the words “We have decided that you don’t fit in our family. Therefore, my son is going to divorce you. We are coming this weekend to get the divorce”
My body shook with shock as the receiver fell down. I could see the world becoming dim as my father caught me before I hit the ground. When I woke up, my parents were fussing over me. Mother had got some cold water and wiping my forehead. She was crying uncontrollably. Father was talking over the phone to them. He was pleading. He asked them what grave mistake I had done that it had reached to the point of a divorce. I had never seen my father beg. He was a man of pride. He had less, but he had honor. Oh how I wished I had not lived to see this day.
He didn’t want to speak to me. When they came down, at the court I asked him “What was it that I did that made you take this decision?” He told me the last words that resound till now, “You did nothing at all for me”.
I did nothing for him? I looked back at that one year when I tried my best to do everything I could. And he says I did nothing? Nothing? What did nothing mean?
While these thoughts were going on, the divorce was proclaimed. I was a divorcee, a social stigma, a shame to my family and a charity for my father.
Here I was again, ten years later, a doctor, a pediatrician and by the grace of God, a successful one. I left home with a broken heart and poured myself in my studies. Honors, laurels, admiration, all came. Yet when I asked myself what I thought of me, “Nothing” is my answer. A strong breeze gets me to my present. Who was I cheating? Even if I looked into proposals, I would never have the courage to say yes. Once bitten, twice shy. I was happy, wasn’t I? The children in the ward thought the world of me, my friends loved me, so did my whole family. What of it, if I didn’t have one kind of love.
I got up. Leaving a note expressing my regret to the prospective groom, I mentioned that I wasn’t ready for marriage and was sorry to have inconvenienced him.
The meeting was over.
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