A set of fictional stories protraying how beautiful Islam, our way of life is...

Sunday, May 20, 2007

Asha: From being fat to being blessed.


Asha walked on the sandy beach, twirling her toes in the white sand. She seemed to merge with the sea in her long blue gown and sky blue scarf. Her family had taken the cottage on the beach for a weekend for the family get together so that all the parents and children could come together and have fun. She looked up and saw her younger siblings and cousins jumping with joy as the wave came in. They loved the sea and sunshine. Every month they would come to the cottage and reunite their bond.

Asha was twenty eight. She was overweight and no matter how much she tried to loose weight, she couldn’t. One could say she was fat. She had been like this since she was a child. It wasn’t because she ate so much but rather, she had inherited it from her parents. The fat gene ran in the family.

At eighteen, Asha had looked forward to getting married. All her friends were being proposed too, they got engaged, and they got married. Now, they had a child or two and when she’d meet them, she couldn’t help but yearn for her own husband, her own children… her own family.

Her family had tried many times to get her married. Lots of men had also come to see her. Some were too old or were divorced and looking for a new wife. One had been a drunkard and another, a wife beater. She didn’t understand what these men thought of her. Just because she was fat did not mean she would settle for losers. After a while she got frustrated. People started talking that she had grown horns and was not accepting anyone’s proposals. What? Accept the proposal of a drunkard? She’d rather have horns than a husband reeking of alcohol.

Here she was, ten years later, still single. Her dreams however did not die. She still looked forward to meeting someone who would like her enough to want to marry her. She was a good daughter, sister and friend. Her friends adored her and she was always there for them. Whether it was their graduation, their engagement or their failed relationships. She held their hands and was their support during their tough times.

“Safia! Don’t go too far!” she cried out. Her sister Safia was rather adventurous. Asha could swim but she was in no mood to rescue any tiny mitten. She sat down and started drooling on the sand. She drew a heart with an arrow across. On one end she wrote ‘A’ for Asha and on the other a question mark. Who would it be? A few drops of loneliness fell from her eyes. She wished she was pretty, she wished she wasn’t fat and she wished she was smarter, and then may be someone would also like her.

That evening they returned back to the city. She went into her room and switched on her PC. As she signed into the messenger, she saw her friend Barkha was online. Barkha and she had been in school since 1st standard. They had remained friends till the time they finished high school. Barkha moved to USA to pursue her medical studies. Right now she was doing her MD. She was married to Aziz who was also a doctor. Theirs had been a friendship turned marriage story. She had been so touched by it. Asha had attended their wedding in the States.

“Assalam Alaykum” Asha typed. “Walaykum Salam!” Barkha replied .They both chatted about what was the latest happenings. Barkha gave the good news that she was expecting. “Alhamdullilah!” Asha typed back. She was very happy for her friend. She would make a good mother. Time had passed by so fast. It felt just the other day that they had been kids playing seven boxes in the school playground.

“How are you doing?” Barkha asked. Asha wanted to write fine. Yet she wasn’t. She was a controlled person but today she felt like unloading herself. She told Barkha about how lonely she felt. She saw all their friends with their family and she realized she didn’t have one. She saw how beautiful and slim the other girls were and when she saw herself in the mirror, she couldn’t help but feel ugly. She saw all the others having achieved so much, they were either engineers or managers or doctors and she was just a book keeper. She cried as she let Barkha know her deep feelings, her inhibitions and low self-esteem. How she wished she could changed who she was, what she was.

Barkha was quite at her end. She let Asha speak her heart out. At times someone just needs to listen and that’s all it takes to help the other person. When Asha had finished venting, she smiled sadly and told Asha “My dear friend, I am quite sad to hear that you are feeling all these. I have always admired you for your simplicity and how content you are in life. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side. You wish to be in someone else’s shoes because they are either prettier or more successful or have a family. Yet go into their thoughts and you will see they want to be in your shoes. To be free, to have no responsibilities, to be given only a book or an account to handle and not to be held liable for the company’s performance.”

Asha’s eyes were fixed to the computer’s screen as she took in every word that Barkha said.
“I have known you since we were kids. I know you weren’t the smartest girl in class, but you were the kindest and most generous. You would put our needs before yours. I have seen the way you love your brothers and sisters. The way you treat your parents. You are a wonderful person. Look at yourself through my eyes, and you will know what I see.”

Asha was so deeply touched by Barkha’s words that she felt her eyes moist. The screen got blurred. She wiped her eyes and gulped down the choke that came to her throat. “I know that you are sad about your weight. I wish I could do something about it. But dear, it’s destiny. You were born with a fat gene as you can see it runs in your family. That should not make you feel you are lesser than anybody else. Think of all those people who have been born crippled. Those who don’t have sight or hearing or are mentally handicapped. Don’t you and I feel blessed that Allah Taala did not choose us to have a defect?”

Asha was struck. She had never thought of it that way. Yes, she had seen how difficult the lives of handicaps were. She did volunteering service at the Government hospital down town and it had saddened her to see their trials. She thanked Allah that she had been spared from such a fate.

“Therefore, my dear, I don’t want you to ever think low of yourself. I repeat you are a great person. We all love you. Right from Zaida to Farida to Asma to Munira to that silly Nisa and me :-)!”

Asha laughed. Nisa had been in school with them. She was such a pain that everyone would scuttle when she came.

“I just want you to be happy dear. For now, be content that you have a family – you are not an orphan. Be content you have a job – You are not unemployed. Be content you have people who love you – You are not unloved. InshaAllah you will get a wonderful man to be your husband and ten kids that you’d give anything to get this singleton moment back in your life :-)”

Asha laughed. Oh Barkha. She always had a way of bringing a smile to her face.

“I’ll pray for you dear, but you got to promise me that you will not be saddened. Be happy for all the bounties you have. Promise me?” Barkha asked.

“I promise” Asha typed back. Her heart was at peace. She realized the truth in her friend’s words. Why, she was blessed with so many things that she had overlooked them for just one thing. “Thank you dear. I feel so much better. You are right in all you say. I will remember this everyday”

“That’s my girl!” Barkha was happy. She never wanted to see Asha down. “Okay dear, have to go. Your brother has been calling me for a long time and you simply don’t know his demands. That’s why I say... Enjoy your bachelorhood ;-). Love you… Take care... Allah Hafiz.” “:-) Allah Hafiz” Asha typed back.

She leaned back on her chair and smiled. Barkha had always been one who said a lot in just a few words. If one would go on and on for ten pages on how gloomy the weather was, she’d changed the mood by simply saying “Paint some sunshine” Nodding her head smilingly, she switched off her P.C and prayed two rakats of prayers. She thanked God for all He had given her and asked forgiveness that for a few moments she had turned ungrateful. She prayed for her friend and for the safety of the unborn child and finally she got up and folded her praying mat. Yes, Life was beautiful and she was truly blessed with so much love and friendship.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

A lost love...


I finished my prayers and got ready. I was going to meet an old college friend after four years. I must admit that I have been rather poor in maintaining communication with my friends and family. Therefore, I made a resolution I’d set aside time no matter how busy I was.

Abbas: What can I say about him? I had met him outside the library while waiting to use the computer. I saw a fair guy wearing spectacles and said “Hi! I am Maimuna,” “Hello, I’m Abbas” he replied. “Oh you’re a Muslim?” I had asked excitedly, “Yes” he replied. That had been the beginning of our friendship or acquaintance one could say. Many times we would meet outside the library. He was doing Science while I studied Architecture. He helped me out with how to use the computer and gave me lots of tips on emails and chat messengers. In our graduation too, we were together and were we so happy to graduate!

During a college function he had introduced me to Ilham, his school friend. She was the sweetest girl I had met and they both intended to get married after Abbas graduated and got himself a job. I thought they were made for each other and I was very happy for them. However, deep inside I had a premonition that it might be tough to convince their parents. You see Abbas was a Shia while Ilham a Sunni.

We lost touch after graduation. Occasional when we’d come online, we’d catch up on our master’s studies or work. Two years back Abbas gave me the sad news that both his and Ilham’s parents had refused their match and her dad had married her off. I felt very sad for him. He was a wonderful person and MashaAllah a good Muslim. I knew it must have been the sectarian division that would have caused this fate. It had been long since we had met although we stayed in the same city. Well as you all know, a city could be a continent for all we cared. So today I had decided, I would go and meet my friend.

We met at a coffee shop just like good old college days. Abbas had not changed at all. He did seem tired. He works twelve hours a day talking to various clients. I did notice that he was now more confident and talkative than when he was in college. “Meeting various people gives you that confidence” he told me. We caught up on all the good old college days, laughed on the funny way the professors would call out our names and what our friends were doing now.

I wanted to ask him about Ilham but I didn’t want to bring the old memories back. However, I guess he wanted to share it with me and he told me the whole story.

“I didn’t really tell you how I met Ilham. We were together in pre-university. I was just sixteen at that time. The first day I went to class, I sat by myself as I didn’t know anyone. She came a few days later. When she entered the room I couldn’t help but think she was beautiful. During our first year, we became friends and soon I liked her even more. She was kind and gentle and I could talk to her about anything and everything. I knew she was my soul mate.

One day I got the courage and told her I liked her a lot. I couldn’t tell her personally so I wrote her a letter. I asked her to be honest with me and tell me what she felt. Whatever was her decision I would accept it and our friendship would always remain. For the next few days she avoided me. I couldn’t bear that. I didn’t understand why. I asked her if she had read my letter. She said she hadn’t but I knew. I knew she had read it because I saw she was nervous.

Our college principal was eccentric. He did not like the girls and boys talking to each other and in case he caught any boy or girl conversing, he would shake with anger, get their parents to school and proclaim that they had committed the most horrible crime: “I caught your children talking to each other!!!” Oh my God, he was one crazy principal. I didn’t want to risk talking outside class incase he became the supreme justice and called our parents. So one day I followed her as she walked home. In the mid way I caught up with her and asked her frankly. “I know you read my letter. Please give me an answer. I don’t care whether it’s a yes or a no, but I need to know” Ilham had hesitated for sometime but then she finally said yes to me.

That day was probably the happiest day of my life. We continued to be best of friends and I knew that one day I was going to marry her. We graduated pre-university and she joined a girl’s college for her Arts while I went into Science. We kept in touch over the phone. She got a cell phone from her friend and her parents never knew about it for two years. Whenever she wanted to talk to me, she would give me a ring and I would call her back. We carried this on for three years.

After graduation, we got engaged. As you know we both had not yet told our parents. I was scared that they would refuse me because of the shia-sunni difference. She started getting lots of proposals which she rejected but one day she called me and told me that it was serious this time and that I had to talk to her parents.

I decided it was time. We had been waiting for the time I would finish my studies, have a job and go to her parents to ask for her hand. I left my masters midway and got a job. I then talked to my parents that I liked a girl; I knew her for the past six years and wanted to marry her. When they found out that she was a Sunni Muslim, they refused totally. I told them that it did not matter to me and that we both were Muslims and that is all I cared. They refused. They said what will the relatives think? What all the people will talk and so on.

That night I called Ilham and told her what happened. She started crying. She said she couldn’t see herself without me and I told her the same. We were both lost. We didn’t know what to do. I thought I would talk to her father and get his approval. Ilham gave me his number and I called him. I told him who I was and that I wanted to meet him for ten minutes. He asked Ilham what this was about and she told him who I was, How had we met in school and our intention to get married. His father had fumed when he heard I was a Shia. He said he would never give her hand to me and refused to meet me.

Ilham had begged, pleaded and even threatened to kill herself. That had no effect on him. He locked her in her room and made sure she did not leave the house. That evening out of frustration, she took sleeping pills with Pepsi. Her sister knocked at the door but she did not open. When she peeped through the window she saw Ilham lying on the bed as though she was dead. She got so nervous and she called me up. “Abbas, I don’t know what she has done. Her room is locked. I am so scared.” She was crying. I calmed her down while my own heart was racing. I told her to wake Ilham and get her to open the door. She did that and got Ilham to talk to me over the phone.

“What did you do?!” I asked her anxiously. “I took some sleeping pills”. My world had stilled. What if something would have happened to her? I could not bear the thought of loosing her. I talked to her at length and told her we had to be strong. Taking sleeping pills would not help. We had to convince our parents and look forward to our future. She promised me she won’t do it again.

We were running out of time. Her father was adamant to get her married elsewhere. She got her brother-in-law on her side and asked him to help us. Her brother-in-law was influential in the family. He called me once and asked me about my intentions. I told him that I wanted to marry Ilham and my intentions were pure. He tried to convince me otherwise that it was just a crush and I was a flirt and was trying to delude his sister. I told him that I was not that kind of a man and when I committed, I committed. He seemed convinced about me and actually promised that he would help us out.

However, at night when I called Ilham, she told me he had changed his face. He told Ilham’s dad that I was a no-good person and I wasn’t serious about marrying his daughter. He suggested another man for Ilham. When I heard that, my blood boiled. How dare him! How dare he do that to us after he promised he would help us!

We thought we had a helper but he turned out to be a villain. Ilham’s marriage was fixed to Javed, a salesman. He was two years younger to her. When he met Ilham, she told him indirectly that she was not interested and even implied that she was not of good character. I know it sounds illogical. In such situation logic does not work. Javed did not care. Ilham as you know has a beautiful heart which anyone could see. He agreed to marry her.”

“Why didn’t Ilham tell him about you and her? That would have deterred him.” I told Abbas

“We weren’t thinking right. She said the first thing that came to her mind and I was desperate. I didn’t want to loose my Ilham. I asked a friend for help and we dug up his work address and how he looked like. I went with my friend to his work place to seek for a person with his description. He was short and he had curly hair. When I didn’t find one, I asked one of the salesmen, “Where is Javed?” “He has left the job sir” Again I had met with a road block. I took Javed’s number from the salesman and went to a telephone booth to call him.

I told him I was his well wisher and that Ilham was not a good match for him. He asked me who I was and where I was calling from. I refused to give my details. He said “Alright fine” and put down the phone. That evening he reported this incident to Ilham’s father. Her father got the address of the telephone booth from the telephone company and went to investigate who had called at such and such a time. However, the address registered was wrong and anyways he would have known it was me.”

“Abbas, when you both had the strong intention to marry and if her father was refusing why you didn’t just get married to her?” I asked. I didn’t know why Abbas and Ilham were going through so much unnecessarily.

“We would have, but you know in Islam, the nikah of a girl is not valid without her wali, her guardian who is her father” he replied

“Yes I do know that my friend but surely you would also be knowing that if the wali refuses to marry his ward for no legitimate reason, the guardianship goes to the next male relative until finally the Kazi, imam i.e. the judge and he can act as the guardian and marry the girl” I told him.

“What!” Abbas looked at me in shock. “Is that possible?” he asked holding his forehead.

“Yes, of course. I thought you knew this. There are so many cases where the men due to their pride and false honor or beliefs refuse to marry their wards: daughters and those under their guard ship. These women have the right to go to the Judge and he would act as the guardian and get her married” I explained.

“Oh my God! We did not know this. All the while we were thinking our nikah would not have been valid without her father’s permission” Abbas was crestfallen. He realized that he lost the one girl in his life through a matter of ignorance.

I tried to console him. “It’s kismet Abbas. It was written from before. Otherwise during all this time you could have told me what was happening and I could have let you know but her faith was written before she met you”

“Yes” Abbas agreed. Still in shock. “Well to conclude our story, her wedding approached. We had failed. We couldn’t convince our parents. The night before her wedding we talked over the phone the whole night. Yet it felt as it if were just minutes. We remembered all the great years of our friendship. Finally I could hear the Fajr Adhan at her end. “Goodbye Ilham. Take care of yourself. Be a good wife and keep your husband happy” We both cried. This was it. This was our final goodbye.

My heart ached listening to Abbas. I could see his emotions clearly on his face. Which man could love a woman like this? I knew many of my friends who cried because their men were not strong enough to hold on to a relationship and here, my friend was crying because he lost the girl he had loved for six years. I felt like kicking myself. Why had I not been there for him? Why had I not told him about the guardianship? Why? For that I had no reply. Kismet was all I could think of.

“How is she?” I asked him gently. “I don’t know. After her marriage, we never contacted. I understood that she was now someone else’s. Last I heard from a few friends that she gave birth to a baby girl. All I can do is pray for her that she remains happy and her husband treats her well” he said.

“Yes, that is all we can do now. InshaAllah may be in this world she was meant to be for her husband and who knows, in the next world, you two will find each other… for eternity” I prayed.

“Yes, InshaAllah. That is all I can pray for too” he replied. “In the meantime I will move on, I hope to marry a pious lady and fulfill my duties”

“Yes, do that” I agreed with him. I wanted to see him happy. I hated to see him lonely and heartbroken. It had been two years and his pain might have reduced, but it was still there and so was the love. “I will pray you get a wonderful girl” I smiled at him. He smiled back yet his smile didn’t reach his eyes. Hidden deep within, I still could see his pain.

We finished our coffee in silence. There was nothing more we could say…

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

Sharique



Its 6 o’clock. Sharique always dreaded 6 o’clock because he realizes everyday that he had to go home. Home... Or was it a house? It sure felt like a prison even if it didn’t have four walls and a tiny window. He closed his file, arranged his table and went to his boss’s office to sign out. He worked in a freight and transport office. He was currently the head supervisor. He had started working when he was a mere boy of seventeen. His uncle had got him the job at the Seth’s office. Today he was fifty five. His once lean body had become hefty and his youthful boyish look; dull and deep. He was a father of three children; two boys and a girl. The boys were married and settled down with their families and his daughter had written her last A level last week. He knew he now had to look for a good husband for her. It was his duty as a father. And then… there was his wife.

Zareena: It was such a beautiful name but unfortunately did not transfer to his wife’s nature. He had been eighteen when his grandmother, aunts and mother decided he had a well paying job of three hundred shillings to support a wife. Sharique had come from a strict extended family. All the decisions were made by the elders- Men of the family. That meant his grandfather, uncles and father. Uncle Aamir was the eldest and he was rather dominating. He controlled the thoughts of both his father and brothers. He did not like anyone answering him back and disobeying him. Sharique had feared him as a child.

When he was eight, he wanted to fly a kite. All his friends in the neighborhood were flying their kites over the harbor as the sea breeze blew them higher and higher. “I wish I had a kite” Sharique confided to his best friend, Imran. Imran stayed next to Sharique and they both went to the same school, sat on the same bench and were inseparable. “Why don’t you make one? We can get a nice colorful clothe, tie a few sticks and join them both with thread. I will get my mother’s sewing thread and you can used it as a string” Imran replied. “Really!” said Sharique, his eyes large with excitement. The little boy had not realized it was so easy to make a kite.

He rushed home and saw a bright yellow shirt lying in the laundry basket. He took it; his mother’s sewing scissors and a rope from the store room. He ran all the way back to the harbor where the children were playing. With full enthusiasm, Imran and he started to make the kite. That had been the happiest day of his life. He saw his yellow kite fly higher and higher and he squealed with joy as he ran up and down the harbor. “Look! Look! Imran, My kite is flying! It’s flying!” Both boys felt a deep satisfaction seeing their creation high up in the sky.

It wasn’t until Sharique returned home that he realized it was going to be his most hated experience. The yellow shirt he had so innocently taken was his uncle’s. His uncle had fumed when he saw the kite. He took hold of Sharique by the collar and lifted him in the air in full rage. “How dare you little scoundrel! How dare you use my shirt? You are a thief and you will be punished.” He howled at him. His uncle then took out his belt and slashed the little boy. He slashed him so badly that blood started oozing from his wounds. If his mother had not come running in and covered him, he was sure he would have died. At one point he believed he had seen the angel of death. He remembered the feeling. But now he was too old to remember how the angel looked like. He had fainted and for a week, he was in his bed recovering. Imran was not allowed to see him when he came looking for him. Everyday Imran would come home on the way to school and they both would walk to school. Imran didn’t know what had happened and he never got to know. Sharique as a boy always hid his pain and never expressed it. He thought his uncle would be thought badly of if he said anything about what happened. He had been taught in madrasa that he was to respect his parents, his relatives and neighbors. Maintaining relationships was of high regard. At such a young age, the little boy followed it from his heart. He was there to help his mother, his aunts, he would carry the ‘market’ i.e. groceries from the market and run here and there to do their bided chores. He was the dream son people dreamt of.

Therefore, not a word did he speak badly about his uncle. After that incident, the fear of his uncle was deep rooted. He did not hate him. Somehow hating something was not in Sharique’s nature. He had been a lovely child. The one who would rescue a bird from its entanglement or bring home a stray animal to give it food and water. He had his mother’s kindness and his fathers look. When he would smile, the world around him would be lit.

By seventeen, he had finished his 10th Standard. He wanted to study further but he was an average student. He didn’t have the capacity or intellect to be a barrister or a doctor. Imran on the other hand went ahead with his studies. He left for the capital city to pursue his A levels and from there, he would fly off to London. London, that was a place Sharique wanted to visit. He had heard about the way the British dressed and talked and had been intrigued by them. Alas for him, he never did get to see London.

Immediately after school, his uncle decided he was to work at his Seth’s office as they needed an office boy. One who would deliver messages and goods around town and if Sharique worked hard, he might soon get to work under him. Sharique did as he was told. He went for the interview wearing a borrowed coat from a cousin and his father had tied his tie for him. He had looked like a child in a grown up’s clothes. The Seth was a kind man. He was strict and disciplined but he wasn’t cruel like Sharique’s uncle. When he had asked Sharique his name, Sharique got up and answered “Sharique sir”. “Sit down, sit down” Seth had said. Seth had been amused with his school boy manners. “Sharique, that’s a beautiful name. What does it mean?” Sharique stood up again and answered “It means early morning sunlight sir” “Sit down, sit down.” Seth waved his hand to him. “You have a wonderful name. Do you comprehend what it means” Sharique had nodded no. He didn’t know. “You mentioned early morning sunlight, that means the first rays of light that hit each day, with a new beginning, a new hope. It removes the darkness of the previous night and beautifies the world by giving it color” Sharique had listened in awe. He liked his name but he didn’t know it meant so much. Seth had died years ago, but his words had remained with him. Everyday when Sharique got up, he smile thinking of what he meant – hope, beauty, color, a new beginning. He wanted to be that to all the people around him.

Sharique had worked hard and sincerely. Seth had been very impressed and he liked the young boy. He had the charm and innocence to win everyone’s heart. At eighteen, after working for a year, his uncle decided he was to get married. He had in mind a friend’s daughter. She was sixteen and he had already spoken to his friend. They had agreed to the relationship. Sharique came home one day from work and a family meeting was called. His grandfather who was now ailing and weak had told him about the family’s decision. Sharique had known it wasn’t the family’s decision but rather his uncle’s. He didn’t want to refute. He knew if he would do that, it would just cause problems in the relations.

That is how, he got married to Zareena. When he went to see her, he had not really liked her. However, he knew no one would listen to him. Especially since everyone feared his uncle who had chosen the girl. She didn’t look beautiful, or pretty or cute. He was quite disappointed. He told his mother and father he didn’t like her when they were alone in their room. His mother simply cried because she knew she didn’t have the power to do anything and his father had just stared in the air. Sharique liked another girl. She was with him in school, her name was Fatimah and she lived on the other side of the harbor. Fatimah was small, petite and had the sweetest smile. Had he been given a choice, he would have wanted to marry her. Zareena on the other hand was not bad looking but she evoked no emotions from him.

He got to know her as the days passed after their marriage. She was very superstitious. She would tell him to throw his nails in the water and not in the dust bin, she didn’t mingle with his family, she didn’t get along with his mother, she would talk about the neighbors in a demeaning way and once she even picked up a fight in the middle of the market. It had been a great embarrassment for him. He had tried to reason with her, explaining it was not the proper way to behave. She had striked back with ugly words “What do you know on how to behave?! You are just some delivery boy whom I had the misfortune to marry. Do you know my father would give me money everyday the equivalent of what you give me for a weeks spending. Oh God, where did I land up?!” she lamented.

Sharique had left the house that moment itself for he feared he would strike her. He didn’t want to hurt her. He didn’t love her, but he would never hurt her. He didn’t want to become like his uncle. He had sat the entire evening on the harbor watching the waves hit the rocks. He wished he were a child again. Reality however, was not to elude him. He had to return home. Zareena had not cared that he had left the home and had come so late. She did not realize that her sharp tongue had hurt her husband. She turned her face away when he arrived and went into the kitchen.

When she turned eighteen, she became pregnant. She had been very difficult; always moody and using foul language. She picked up many fights with Sharique’s mother who was as gentle as him. She was shrewd too. In front of his uncle, she maintained such a demure, angle like behavior and his uncle had liked her from the first.

Each day of his marriage had been a trial for him. He would wake up next to a lady with whom he could not even be friends. As a husband, he gave her all he could, but she was never satisfied. She compared him with other men, how rich they were, how much gold they gave to their wives and how hopeless he was. She found faults in the way he walked and talked. She would even back bite him with her friends. “My husband is simply useless. He is so honest and charitable that he would give all his clothes to a beggar if I didn’t intervene”. Sharique bore it. It was his prayers and Quran Shariff that got him through all his days. At night he would wake up and read the Quran Shariff when everyone would be asleep. He would cry to his Lord “Dear Lord, hold me, please hold me, I am falling, I am weak. Give me strength to bear my condition. I know this life is temporary and it will be over soon, help me pass the test of this world. I am your weak servant and without your guidance and strength, I am nothing”

They had three children. One would have thought that he would have at least good children in whom he would find happiness. Unfortunately, the test of his patience was not over. Both his son’s followed their mother’s footsteps. Ashamed as he was in admitting it, his sons were greedy and full of spite. He had tried his best to mould them, but they simply didn’t listen. They would answer back at him, take money from his pockets, go out late in the night to clubs and come early in the morning. They had married without consulting him. Not that he would have ever refused their choices, he had his own experience to justify that but they had not even bothered to ask his opinion leave alone permission. If one sad relationship was not enough, he got two more. Usually fathers take pride in their sons, but for Sharique, his backbone just bended more with sorrow when he looked at them.

His daughter on the other hand had turned out well. She prayed regularly unlike her mother. She was trustworthy and she feared God. He had a close relationship with her and she was a loving daughter. For that Sharique always thanked his Lord.

And so here he was, fifty five. He was healthy by the grace of God. He had kept his body well because he wanted to work hard and be in a position to stand up in the night and pray even when he attained old age. His wife had grown more bitter and vicious; his sons did not care about him. They sneered at him and called him an old fool. His only comfort was his daughter.

His mother had died when he had been forty. He remembered that day well. While standing in the janaza prayer, tears had fallen from his eyes like rain drops. As he laid his mother in her grave, his heart had been overcomed with grief. He knew only of one kind lady who had loved him: his mother. “Oh my mother, goodbye my mother, till Qiyamah, till I meet you again sweet mother” .He cried as he threw the first fist of dust. Innallilahe wainna ilayhe rajiun. Verily we belong to God, and to Him we shall return. His father joined her soon. She had been a good woman. His father had missed her tremendously and had become delusional. He said he saw her sitting next to him or cooking his favorite dish in the kitchen. Within a year, he lay to rest in the grave next to her. His father might have been a weak man, but he had loved his wife very much.

As for his uncle, he had died at sea. The ferry had malfunctioned and a thousand people had drowned that day. His uncle had been one of them. Sharique was happy that may be Allah Taala wanted to forgive him, which is why He took away his uncle by drowning him. The person who drowned to death is a Martyr, a Shaheed, Who get much rewards. Whenever he thought of his uncle, he felt sad. Sad that due to his pride, he made his brothers and sisters suffer, he had made Sharique suffer and inflicted scars that would never be wiped away. Yet, Sharique always prayed for him. He would say in his heart “I forgive you uncle, for how then can I expect my Lord to forgive me for the innumerable sins I would have done if I can’t forgive you? I forgive you. I forgive you. I forgive you.”

It was 6 o’clock, time to go home. He wore his coat and took his umbrella. As he walked towards his house, he wondered, when death would come to him. He had bore an unhappy thirty seven years of marriage. He knew he wanted to finish his last obligation as a father to marry his daughter. As he crossed the road, someone called him from behind. “Sharique!” he turned. The man looked familiar. He must be around the same age as him and as the man came closer, Sharique suddenly recognized him and gave a squeal of delight “Imran! My dearest friend! Oh, my dearest friend!” Both men hugged one another as they cried out of happiness. They had been apart for more than thirty years yet their friendship was as strong as when used to walk together to school. “How are you?” Imran asked his friend, wiping his tears away. “Alhamdullilah. I am fine. How are you? When did you come from London?” Sharique enquired “This afternoon. I went to my brother’s home and freshened up before coming in search for you. I went to your ancestral home but found out you had sold it and moved away. I was just walking about thinking how to find you when God graciously let me spot you right here, crossing the road.” Imran replied.

Both friends went on talking on the pavement. It felt as though they were young boys again. Sharique wanted to take Imran home but he was scared. What if his wife did not give Imran a warm welcome? He could not bear to see Imran uncomfortable. It was nearing sunset so he asked Imran to join him for prayers in the masjid. Both friends went off together, just like they had in their youth. After namaz, they sat on the bench outside masjid and caught up with all their news. Imran had a daughter and a son. His daughter was married and had two children. His son had just completed his medical studies and would start practicing soon. “I am looking out for a wife for my son. I think now is the right time for him to get married and settle down.” Imran told Sharique. Sharique was speechless. He too was looking for a husband for his daughter. Could he put the proposal to Imran? However, Imran was wealthy, he sat among the intelligent lot, may be he would not like a girl from a humble family. “What about your daughter Sharique? Do you think you would be interested in looking at my son for her?” Imran cut through Sharique’s thoughts. The love for his friend Imran grew more in Sharique’s heart. Really, how could he have thought his friend would have changed? “I am humbled that you ask me Imran. I thought my daughter might not meet to your standards.” He replied. “What rubbish! She is your daughter and that is the greatest testimonial I ever need” Sharique sighed inwardly. He was happy his daughter was a good girl. He couldn’t say the same for his sons but as was his nature, he never spoke bad of anyone, leave alone his children. No, Not even to his best friend.

Imran’s family had also come down so they decided they would come the next day to see Sharique’s family. Sharique went home and told his wife about Imran. How he was a successful doctor in London and had put forward the proposal for his son. Zareena’s eyes had lit when she heard ‘London’ and ‘Doctor’. She was busy thinking of all the boasting she would do to her neighbors and gossip gang. Sharique then went and talked to his daughter. He told her about his friendship with Imran and how he met him today and his proposal. “They are coming to meet you tomorrow. You can meet his son and talk to him. My dear daughter, if you have any apprehensions about marrying him and if you do not like him, you can always tell me. I will only give your hand to the one you approve of” his daughter nodded her head and smiled shyly. Sharique kissed her on her forehead and went out of the room.

Imran came the next day with his family. His wife and son. His son, MashaAllah was a handsome youth. He took after his father and was very respectful. Zareena had acted to her best. This was a proposal she didn’t plan to leave. She wanted her friends to be jealous and go green in envy.

The children were left alone to talk in the garden. They liked each other instantly and talked about various things for almost half an hour. When they came back, Imran asked them what they had decided. Both nodded their heads and smiled. “Alhamdullilah!” Sharique was happy. He wouldn’t have found a better match for his daughter. She seemed happy and that was most important to him.

The wedding took place with joy. Soon it was time for his daughter to leave. Sharique’s heart was heavy with emotion. He loved his daughter and it was sad to bid her adieu. She hugged him and cried and cried. It was heart breaking to leave such a loving man.

Imran left for London with his family. Sharique went to see them off at the airport. Both friends hugged each other. They were silent, for they didn’t know when they would meet again.

Sharique then returned home. Zareena was busy talking over the phone to one of her gossip friends. “Oh well, she is my daughter you see and she is so beautiful. The boy literally begged her to get married to him. Did I tell you he is a doctor? Oh yes, they are so rich. I can’t wait to go to London.” She kept on boasting. Sharique gave her a reprimanding look to make her stop but she just sneered at him and turned away. Ah, the misfortune of getting a bad wife.

The coming days became more intolerable for him. Now that his daughter had left, he didn’t have any solace. He was happy she was finally settled with a good husband. He missed her a lot. He remembered the day she was born, the first time he held her, the first smile she gave him. He had not realized that he would miss her so much. On top of that his wife continued to nag him and living with her had become even more difficult.

The next day, after finishing work, Sharique decided he would go to the masjid directly. He did not want to go home and listen to his wife’s nagging. He went to say good bye to his boss. His boss was the Seth’s son and Sharique and he had shared a comradely since they had worked together for so long. He gave the final accounts he had prepared that day to him. The business was doing well and they both were pleased. He went back to his desk and arranged his things just the way he always did. On the way to masjid, a beggar begged for some money. Sharique was always careful to see his charity going the right way. He took him to the nearby tea shop and bought him some food. The beggar was very happy and gave him a lot of blessings. Sharique always felt good when he did a good deed. He felt more humbled and thanked God to have given him so much that he could help another being.

At masjid, after namaz, Sharique talked to all his brothers. They would sit and discuss how things were, the economy, the new rules and amendments. They congratulated him on his daughter’s wedding. This was his family; People who truly cared about him and loved him. Soon everyone left and Sharique was alone. He picked up his Quran Shariff and started to read. Time soon passed and he didn’t realize how late it became. When he finished reading, he sat there holding the Quran Shariff to his heart. His heart felt heavy. He wondered how he could go on living with his wife especially now that his daughter was gone. “Persevere Sharique, Persevere.” He told himself. He brought to his mind Prophet Nuh (Noah) and Prophet Lut (Lot) and thought of how they had persevered. Tears fell down his face, “Dear Lord, I am not a prophet. I am just a slave, Oh Lord, relieve me now, I don’t know how much longer I could go on” Sharique prayed. He didn’t know what could relieve him. Divorce was a word foreign to him. He knew he had the right to exercise it, but never did he think about it. He was after all, the kind man who would not hurt anyone and to divorce his wife, he knew she would be devastated. No, he wouldn’t do that. He would sincerely perform all his duties as a husband, just this night, his shoulders had slumped and he appeared as one who had born a lot of pain.

He remembered Prophet Muhammed and said his blessings to him. He asked forgiveness from God for his sins, he prayed for his parents, his children and even his wife. After reading a few lines from the Quran in his heart, he was ready to leave.

As he leaned forward to get up, a terrible pain shot right through his heart. With the Quran in one hand, he clutched his heart “Ya Allah!” he cried out in pain. He was so shocked. The pain was unbearable. It was as if his heart was being torn. And then, he saw him, the angel. The one he had seen when he had been eight. Oh yes, it was him. He smiled through the terrible pain, he was scared but he knew in a few moments, there would be no pain. No pain at all.

They found him the next day at dawn prayer. Sitting by the pillar, the Quran Shariff clutched in his hand. He had a peaceful smile on his face. The doctor brother checked his pulse, no; Sharique’s soul had left this world.

Sharique is still remembered today. Children are told about him, what a kind man he was and what a good end he had.

The early morning sunlight had colored the world and silently slipped away.

Thursday, May 10, 2007

“When Almighty Allah is with you, do you need to be scared of anything?”


Sarah got up early in the morning at 5 o’clock. It was time for prayers and she wanted to go for her walk. Today at work there was a presentation for which she had worked on the past one month. It was an important day for her. After saying her prayers and reading her Quran Shariff, she wears her track suit, wraps her scarf around her head and picks up her mobile. Jogging down Madison Avenue, she reaches Central Park and starts her run. Oh it felt good to run and exercise her body. At twenty eight she looked eighteen. The face had the youthful look of a young maiden but if one glanced twice, her eyes held more than the number of years one assumed.

Reaching the lake, she let herself jog on spot. Soon, her heart beats calmed down and she sat on the bench taking in the beautiful view. Closing her eyes she meditated. Today, Today was very important. A lot of things held at stack. It was a million dollar deal. If she got this account, she was going to be a partner. A partner!

Looking back on how she started, she remembered going in for a receptionist job at the consulting firm of Ronald’s and Partners. She had always worn her scarf. Being a convert to Islam at the age of sixteen, she had faced much discrimination by her ‘friends’ in school and family. If it hadn’t been for her Muslim friends, she would have turned back. They had held her hand and asked her to persevere. She remembered sharing her fears with Mehrun-nisa, her close friend who had helped her in understanding Islam. Mehrun-nisa told her one line that changed her attitude forever. “When Almighty Allah is with you, do you need to be scared of anything?” That had done it. Truly, when God was with her, she didn’t have to be scared of anything or anyone.

She boldly wore her scarf and walked to school the next day. It hadn’t been easy. She was jeered, her friends abandoned her and her teachers also started behaving differently. She had come home that day in tears. She shut herself in her room and asked herself if being a Muslim was really worth it. “was being a Muslim really worth it?!” she thought. “How can I even think of it after understanding the beautiful religion and after my heart has truly acknowledged it to be the way of life God has chosen for all” No, she had not given up. The next day she went to school with her head high, proud to be a Muslim. She would be kind to those who didn’t know and were teasing her out of ignorance, but if any malicious person tried to harm her, they will know never to mess with a black belt.

She walked in class confidently. The previous day, the math’s teacher had ignored her questions and answered her with contempt. That day, she asked him all her doubts confidently. She ignored his tone at the first few questions and spoke in a friendly, eager to learn student tone. After the fifth question, the math’s teacher quit his judgmental tone and genuinely started answering her. She had done the same with all her other subjects. She had been a popular student. She had been one of the cheerleaders for their school. Everyone had envied her; the girl thought either she was too beautiful or too proud. After accepting Islam, Sarah left all her false pride. She became approachable; everyone would turn to her for help. They couldn’t help but notice the change.

She graduated high school with an A. Her parents had never accepted the fact that their daughter had left their catholic faith for Islam. At seventeen, they told her clearly that they would not sponsor her university studies if she did not give up Islam. She had tried to reason with them but they were adamant.

She left home at seventeen; single, penniless and with just a small suitcase. She called Mehrunnisa. She did not like being at someone’s mercy but then she didn’t know where to turn to. Mehrunnisa came immediately to pick her up. Her father was the grocer and she had known them since she was a child. He told her he would get in touch with his brother who stayed in Queens in New York State. “He will be able to help you get a job. He has a car garage and he knows many people there”. They paid her bus fare for her. When she reached New York she was overwhelmed by the large buildings. Everyone was so busy and so impersonal. They all seemed in a world of their own. They didn’t smile and say ‘Hi!’ on the streets like they did back home. No, New York was the place for people with a goal. No one cared about who you were, were you were from or what religion you followed. All they cared was your work. Sarah felt herself safe in the anonymity, lost in the millions of people.

She had worked for a month at the garage. It was a jack of all trade kind of a garage. Car wash, repair and mechanic and sale of used cars. Mehrunnisa’s uncle was kind and he had even let her stay with his family in their one bedroom apartment in Queens. His wife, Nisreen had taken care of her like a daughter and even taught her how to read Arabic.

It was in the second month of her job that she came across the advert of Ronald’s and Partners. They needed a receptionist. The next day she went in for the interview. As she got down from the train and walked into midtown, she was scared they might not give her the job because she was wearing a long grey skirt, a white full sleeved shirt and a grey scarf that matched with her skirt. She dressed smartly in the Islamic way. As she pushed the doors of Ronald’s, her heart beat accelerated but once she stepped in, she heard Mehrunnisa’s words: “When Almighty Allah is with you, do you need to be scared of anything?” An inner confidence lit in her heart as she confidently went to the receptionist and smiled at her “Hi, I’m here for the receptionist job. Whom shall I see?” The receptionist had given her a dismissal look and asked her to be seated. She was finally ushered in; her interview was taken by none other than Mr. Ronald Beacon. He was the captain of the ship and he had been surprised to see such a young beautiful American girl dressed up like a nun. He was a righteous man. He had never discriminated anyone based on their religion. His grandfather after all had been persecuted by the Nazi’s for being a Jew. He knew how horrible it felt. As he started talking to Sarah, he couldn’t help but notice her confidence and the way she carried herself with poise. He liked her and he believed she was an honest girl. She looked terribly young and he felt a fatherly instinct to protect her. Somehow he didn’t want to see her going up and down looking for a job. He knew how bad the city was and God only knew what would happen to this young girl. He hired her. A decision he would be happy for many years to come.

That was ten years ago. Sarah had worked each day sincerely and with hard work. One day, one of the junior consultants had left for his vacation and his client file was not closed. The client was waiting to meet him and Sarah didn’t know what to do. She quickly went through the existing file, came up with a few suggestions and talked to the client herself. The client was very impressed. He told her he would like her to be his consultant from then onwards. When Mr. Beacon heard about how she had handled the situation, he had been extremely pleased and promoted her as a junior consultant. That was the only leap Sarah needed. From then onwards, it was the success of one project to another that got her where she was today. From Queens to Manhattan and from a receptionist to may be a partner, should she get this account.

Today, Today was an important day. She got up from the bench feeling fresh and ready to face the day. Reaching her apartment, she got ready for work. She decided to wear her cream formal dress. It was a long cream skirt and jacket with a matching scarf. She looked professional and serious. Yes, this was the look she wanted.

As she pushed the doors of Ronald and Partners, the same kind of fear came over her, when she had come the first day, ten years ago. She smiled to herself and remembered her dear friend’s words “When you have Almighty Allah with you, do you need to be scared of anything?”

She walked with quick steady steps to the conference room and set up her laptop. She saw to it that the machinery was working and then went over her file. The client arrived. She welcomed them with a warm smile and after they were seated, she began her presentation. She was confident and direct. She had done her homework and had the answers to all their questions. She told them clearly what were the advantages plus the risks. That had been one factor that her clients admired her. She was honest to the point. As she closed her presentation, the client opened the contract file and signed it. He got up and handed it to her saying “We want you to work with us on this”. She had got the account!

After they left, she went to see Mr. Beacon. He had aged considerably in the past five years especially after the cancer. He smiled when he saw her. “Needless to say you have done it”. “Yes Mr. Beacon and here are the agreement papers. Congratulations.” She smiled at him. He pulled out the partnership papers from his draw and handed it to her. “Congratulations to you to young lady”. “You had already signed them?” she asked in disbelief. “Irrespective of whether you got that account or not, I was going to make you a partner. You have earned it and much more”. Sarah was touched. She was left speechless seeing the kind of trust Mr. Beacon had in her. “Thank you” she said with gratitude.

As she left his office she truly understood the meaning of how if one puts their trust in their Lord, He takes care of them. She had been young, homeless and vulnerable ten years back and today, she was a partner of a million dollar firm. As she opened the door of her cabin, she smiled with happiness. “Thank you Lord. Thank you so much.”

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

How I made my choice


I saw him walk into the masjid, as I picked up the Holy Quran to read. His beard was long and white – a sign of wisdom and age. He was very thin; I guess with age, one tends to loose body mass. He walked in slowly and humbly, his back bent slightly. It showed that he had carried so many years in his life and was returning back to weakness, as Allah Taala had described to be one of His signs of how He created man: from strength to weakness.

“Assalam Alaykum” he greets all the faithful gathered in the masjid for fajr namaz. “Walyakumus salam” we return his greetings. I get up and help him lay his masala. .. He pats me on my back like a father. He is always happy to see me. His name is Mustafa, he must be approaching eighty, yet his heart seems younger than me. He would make us laugh narrating incidents of how he would forget many things. Once he passed the bathroom and saw the latch was undone. He latched it and went in search of his wife. He wanted some hot tea. When he couldn’t find her, he got very anxious and went out of the house. She too was old and aged like him and he worried about her. “Where is she! Oh where has she gone!” he trembled with fear. He came back home to call the police when he heard someone knocking at the bathroom door. He opened it and alas! His wife! She looked at him accusingly with a towel in her hand. He was so relieved to see her that he hugged her right there! We all laughed at his sweet innocence. I can imagine how she would have been shocked. To be locked and then shown so much affection.

I call him nanaji (grandfather) and her nanima (grandmother). I know she has also come for prayers. She would be behind in the ladies wing. Both of them have come together for as far as I could remember. While I was a child, I would see them go for every namaz to the masjid. Today I smile. I have never seen a more adorable couple than them. I am eighteen, a young man; I have also begun to think of a life partner. When I look at nanaji and nanima, I can’t help but pray that I get a pious wife like nanima.

He starts his prayer as I begin my reading and soon the imam comes and we pray the dawn prayer. Imam Sahib knows about nanaji and how weak he is, so he is slow while bowing down and getting up. Nanaji was that kind of a man, he would win the hearts of everyone. All wanted to go out of their way to help him. The children adored him. They would come and sit in his lap, pull his beard and he would jokingly admonish them “Be careful! It took me eighty years to grow it.”

We finish our namaz and he turns to me and smiles. “So my young boy, what is going on with you?” he asks. I tell him the good news about my results. He pats me on my back and congratulates my father who is sitting nearby. “Get me some sweets. But don’t tell my wife. I swear she is a police woman in plain clothes!” I can’t help but smile. “What do you plan to do now?” That was a good question because I had too many options and no inclination. I was good in everything, Alhamdullilah. I had topped Maths and Science, I managed an A on my languages. Father wants me to be a doctor and mother, an engineer. “What do you want?” he pry’s looking at me with intelligent eyes. “I want to be like you”, I replied. Where did that come from! It was then I realized that truly I wanted to be like this pious man. He did not possess the riches of the world. He has a nice little home; he had lived a simple life all along, had worn simple clothes, ate simple food and had a simple loving wife. Yes, I wanted to be him.

He laughs and is amused to a great extent. He pats me on my back and tells me he prays I be better than him.

We go ahead with our discussion on all the options I had – Harvard, Oxford, IIT-Delhi, Islamic University of Malaysia and University of Nairobi. It had been a long process of applications, essays, recommendations and interviews. The tough part was now- what should I take up. My heart wasn’t inclined to any particular one.

“What kind of life do you want to lead?” he asked me. I thought for a few seconds and then replied “I want to live a good life. I want to earn so that in future I can provide for my family and children but most importantly, I want to make sure that my obligation towards my Lord is not violated. I am scared that once I leave home to an unknown country, a different culture, I will loose my roots, my devotion and look towards the world and its pomp. I am scared that I might not get to pray in congregation with my brothers and God forbid, what if I miss my prayers because I am in class or I have an exam or I’m just too busy. What if I loose this feeling of closeness with my Lord?”

He smiled at me and told me something I am sure I will never forget. “Years ago, I was young too. I know its hard to imagine because you’ve seen me old and grey since you were a child” he laughs “But I was young and quite handsome. Your nanima was in school with me. We used to sit together in class two and we had our share of fights, especially when I broke her sharpener from India. Oh yes, she had cried and cried that day. Well anyways, by the time we finished school, she went away to Nairobi for her degree and I felt exactly what you are feeling today. I didn’t want to leave home. I was happy, content here. My mother wanted me to be a doctor. Those days, doctors were in demand and I had to travel to USA. It was a tough choice but I didn’t. I didn’t want to be a doctor. I wanted to be a businessman. Like our beloved prophet. My parents were disappointed, but I convinced them that it was what I wanted. I started my small shop. I would get goods from India and China and sell them here. In the evenings, I would go to a commerce college and learn accounting. I had my share of falls. It was those falls that taught me how to rise. In four years, while my friends were graduating, I had by the grace of God, a running business. I decided to get married. I was twenty two. In my heart I always wanted to marry your nanima. I was however, realistic. She was a college graduate; she had seen the world, met smarter men than me, why would she choose to marry a simple trader when she had the better choice. One day I saw her in masjid. She had returned from college. She was very smart. Actually I am smarter..Hehe.. But she was the dedicated types. I had heard she had done well and had got a first class. She was wearing a white veil and was the prettiest thing I had ever seen. She was with her friends waiting for her family. I approached her; I didn’t know whether she would remember me. At best may be as the monster who broke her sharpener. When she saw me, she smiled. “You! So what did you make of yourself, you destroyer.” I laughed. I told you, that sharpener was her life. Women can be so silly at times. I told her I was a trader, a businessman. “o.k.” she said. She wasn't impressed, I knew. Had I been a lawyer or a doctor, she would have been like ‘Wow, that’s great’, so well; I left my hope of ever asking for her hand. The second time I met her, was in the market. She was buying fruits and I had come to deliver some goods to my customers. “Oh, the great businessman is here” she said smilingly as she saw me. I was nervous. I was no longer eight. I just smiled at her. She waited for me to say something but I didn’t and she walked away. ‘She’s just being friendly’ I thought. Now that she was home, she would come to the masjid for namaz. When we were children we used to go with our parents, after namaz we would run outside and all of us would play catch and catch or blind man. Those were the days. I heard rumors about many suitors wanting to propose to her. That discouraged me more for I realized they were better ones – more educated, and they would give her a better life than I would have.

One day after a majalis, I came out of the masjid and I saw her standing in the courtyard with her family. My father was talking to her father so I went and joined him. While the parents were discussing something about an offer on the air tickets to India, we children started talking about school and how we used to have fun. “Do you know you never did pay for breaking my sharpener” she told me with mischief in her eyes. I laughed. “You can now.”, she said. I looked up. Oh God, why did I ever do that! “O.k., tell me, how do I pay you?” “Will you marry me?” she asked me seriously. I just stared at her. May be she was pulling my leg. “You are kidding me?” I told her unbelieving. “No, I am quite serious”, she turned and pointed towards our parents, “If you say yes then we can tell our parents now itself”. A million things ran in my mind. I was happy I broke that sharpener, I couldn’t believe from all the men she could choose, she chose me. Why! She had the nerve to ask me! “O.k.” I accepted. That is how my dear child, I got the wife I wanted. Later on, after our nikah, she told me that she choose me for the good Muslim I was. She didn’t want someone with fancy designation or fancy house. She wanted me and a small home. I believe I have managed to give her that.

You may be wondering why I told you all this. I just wanted to give you a new perspective. I see youngsters running after big degrees and working day in and day out ignoring their families and their religious duties. I don’t say, don’t work hard. Hard work is essential but don’t override other duties in quest for money and position. Young men think a woman wants money and her husband to be someone fancy, but there are girls out there who look for a good heart. You will find one too. God willingly.

I’m glad you think the way you do. You don’t want to compromise on your religious duties. Going to college, doesn’t necessarily mean you will have to. InshaAllah, you will find good muslim friends and you all can be the support of one another. I will pray that you choose the one that is best for you.

Now, if you will excuse me, your grandmother would be waiting outside tapping her shoe. God knows what she will make me do in payment” he winked as he got up.

I smiled. Talking to nanaji made my heart light. I had listened with attention to what he had told me. The choice he made. After thinking for a while and praying for guidance. I had decided. I too wanted to be a trader. Just like my beloved prophet. I would select Islamic University of Malaysia for my studies in commerce and management and InshaAllah after that, I would start my own firm. In what and where, I will leave it to time. I put my trust in Allah, my Lord, and I know as I move on, with His guidance, I will find my way. I bowed down and thanked my Lord for sending nanaji for me. I would not have felt so tranquil in making my decision if it hadn’t been for his story.

As I got up, I couldn’t help but wish, I had broken someone’s sharpener. :-)

Monday, May 7, 2007

The Meeting


I sat there scared. After three years, my family had put their foot down and told me I was to look into proposals. There was no running away from it. “We don’t want to see you lonely. We want to see you by your husband and your children, knowing you are cared for, loved for”, my mother had pleaded with me.

That is how I was here. The meeting was arranged at the White Sands beach hotel. I sat there on the beach bench, facing the beautiful Indian Ocean. The breeze blew on my face gently assuring me that it would be alright. I looked down at my hands: they were shaking, my face was flushed and I tried to calm down my breathing. Past memories flashed before my eyes…

I had been eighteen. Naïve, Innocent, Carefree. A young beauty adored by my family and friends. I had gone to my friends wedding in Nairobi, what all fun we had. Late nights, movies, driving away early in the morning to catch the sunrise, the national park. Oh yes, I remembered Sarah’s wedding very well. It was where I met him.

He was the most handsome man I had seen. Tall and strong. Kind of a leader. My heart had skipped a beat when our eyes met. He stood there by the groom looking at me as I and other bridesmaids brought Sarah in. I tried to avoid looking at him. I knew I was already tomato red from blushing and if my friends got any inkling, I was dead. They would tease me miserably.

Disaster struck then. We had forgotten the bridal dupatta at home. Sarah was to wear that when she would be sent off. We girls panicked and didn’t know what to do. I volunteered to go and get it fast. It was just a fifteen minute drive. I silently got up and walked towards the door of the hall. In the parking lot, I couldn’t find the driver. “Oh no!” I was close to tears.

“Can I help you?” I turned back. Her heart stopped. It was him. “Err..Hmm..I…actually...” He smiled. As though he knew what I was going through. He most probably thought I was a school girl having one of my crushes. I got mad at myself. I never have a crush!! The men or rather the boys fell for me, but not me. No not me. “I need a drive home” I said confidently trying to calm my racing heart. “Come along then, I will drive you” and he lead me to his car. I was still nervous but he didn’t say a word. We reached home and I rushed upstairs, got the bag we had forgotten and ran down.

I was out of breath by the time I sat in the car. He looked at me. Rather stared. “What?” I asked him. “You have some kind of magic” he said looking at me in the eye. I sat there for a moment lost in the emotions I was feeling. “I mean the way you ran and came; I think you have hidden wings”, he grinned with mischief. Snap! Oh gosh he was pulling my leg. And there for a moment I thought…

We reached the hall and separated. The wedding concluded smoothly and Sarah was bid adieu. Tomorrow, Arwa and I would return home and I would never see him again.

I came home changed. I didn’t know what had happened. I saw his face everywhere. The way he looked at me, his smile! Yes, he had a wonderful smile. Days passed but his thought didn’t leave me.

One day, I had just come from my computer class when the phone rang. “Hello?” I said trying to reach for a cookie on the table. “Hi.” I froze. I would recognize his voice anywhere. “Its me. Do you remember?” I didn’t want him to know I remembered! “Who?” I asked innocently. “The one who thinks you have magic” and that silenced me. I felt so happy and I did a little jig of joy “Oh hey, how did you get my number?” “From Sarah” he replied. There was a pause and then to my astonishment he said something that I would never forget. “Will you marry me?” “What?!!” I was sure to have a heart attack; I could hear my heart beats in my head. “Will you marry me?” “Err...Uhh...Hmmm” He laughed. “I will be coming with my parents this weekend to your place. My father will call up tonight so do tell your father too.” “Okay” Okay? Okay?! He was asking me to marry him and I was saying Okay! This was way beyond my fantasies. They called it love at first sight in books.

They came, the wedding was fixed, the marriage took place and that’s when the trouble began. The young girl was transformed suddenly into a wife. I had to take care of his family, him, his needs. If his mother got displeased, he would threaten to divorce me. One day I had forgotten to put salt in his food, he threw the plate on my face. I touched my forehead. The mark was still there. It had just been the first year of our marriage. What happened? What had gone wrong? Father had searched them well, what background they came from, their social standing, his character…everything had seemed impeccable. He seemed such a gentleman to me.

In all I did, he found faults. “Look at my mother, look at my sister”. Was I incompetent? I was the head girl in my school, top ranking, and the heart of my friends. My teachers had loved me. My parents thought I was an obedient child. Then where did I falter? One day he asked me if I would like to go to my parent’s home. “Yes”, I replied. Scared to show hope. “O.k., you can go tomorrow” “Tomorrow?” I asked surprised. “Yes, tomorrow.” I had a stinking feeling. Had I done something wrong? He hadn’t complained about the food. I didn’t think his mother said anything bad about me today, may be he was just happy with me so he was letting me go. I sincerely prayed so.

I went home the next day. At home, my parents welcomed me. They hugged me and I started crying. They asked me if everything was ok. I would say just fine and I was simply crying because I was happy to see them. I wouldn’t tell them my troubles. I was nineteen only but I knew parents worry about their children and I didn’t want to get them tensed.

I spent a few peaceful days with them. I was no longer the bubbly child up to pranks anymore. Often, my mother would catch me staring in space. She didn’t believe that I was happy, mothers always know. They after all knew what we wanted when we couldn’t even speak. She asked me indirectly, inquiring about this or that, but I told her all was fine. “It’s a different environment” I said cautiously. “Trying to fit in” I smiled at her. She asked me about the mark on my forehead, “Oh this” I stammered. “I fell down the stairs” She looked at me. She knew I was lying.

It happened the next day. The phone rang early in the morning while we were having breakfast. I picked it up. It was my mother-in-law. She sounded annoyed. She asked to speak to my mother and I got scared. What had I done now? Mother spoke to her nicely asking her how she was etc. and then I heard her say “How can you say that. Are you in the right frame of mind?” I asked her what was happening. She gave me the phone and I heard the words “We have decided that you don’t fit in our family. Therefore, my son is going to divorce you. We are coming this weekend to get the divorce”

My body shook with shock as the receiver fell down. I could see the world becoming dim as my father caught me before I hit the ground. When I woke up, my parents were fussing over me. Mother had got some cold water and wiping my forehead. She was crying uncontrollably. Father was talking over the phone to them. He was pleading. He asked them what grave mistake I had done that it had reached to the point of a divorce. I had never seen my father beg. He was a man of pride. He had less, but he had honor. Oh how I wished I had not lived to see this day.

He didn’t want to speak to me. When they came down, at the court I asked him “What was it that I did that made you take this decision?” He told me the last words that resound till now, “You did nothing at all for me”.

I did nothing for him? I looked back at that one year when I tried my best to do everything I could. And he says I did nothing? Nothing? What did nothing mean?

While these thoughts were going on, the divorce was proclaimed. I was a divorcee, a social stigma, a shame to my family and a charity for my father.

Here I was again, ten years later, a doctor, a pediatrician and by the grace of God, a successful one. I left home with a broken heart and poured myself in my studies. Honors, laurels, admiration, all came. Yet when I asked myself what I thought of me, “Nothing” is my answer. A strong breeze gets me to my present. Who was I cheating? Even if I looked into proposals, I would never have the courage to say yes. Once bitten, twice shy. I was happy, wasn’t I? The children in the ward thought the world of me, my friends loved me, so did my whole family. What of it, if I didn’t have one kind of love.

I got up. Leaving a note expressing my regret to the prospective groom, I mentioned that I wasn’t ready for marriage and was sorry to have inconvenienced him.

The meeting was over.

Heaven


I lay on the bed as my mom stood by the door. “Do you want a chocolate?” She asked enticingly with a cajoling smile. I nodded my head up and down wondering how come my mother decided to be so generous. I was looking forward to the promised chocolate yet, small as I was, I knew there was a catch.

I don’t remember the exact words she told me next but I know that it meant if I was good and obeyed her and did my homework and went to school, I would go to heaven. In heaven, she described, there would be no school. I could play as much as I wanted and I would have as many chocolates as I desired.

Heaven was definitely the place I wanted to go.

As I grew up, ‘Heaven’ changed its face many times. At times it was Disneyland, at times a line of wardrobes with different clothes for each day and shoes! Lots and lots of shoes! Many times, heaven was a library of movies. I would just sit and watch the lives of many men who lived on earth and God would have done all the editing, scores and background music. As a young adult, heaven was traveling. There would be ice rinks, surfing, skiing etc. whatever sport I couldn’t play: Air gliding and parachuting. All these would be there. I would fly my own plane.

Heaven was also a huge mansion. Not too huge, I like it cozy. My family and friends would be with me. There would be flying cars and roller skates and mysteries in the attic.

And then heaven was a mysterious man. Someone who would love me and make me feel wonderful always, someone who thought I was beautiful in every way.

Heaven was also the place; I would meet my prophet and all the prophets of God and all the good men and women. I would actually get to see them and talk to them and smile with them!

Heaven was then a lost friend. Waiting up there. Just for me.

Now I lay back, and think of all heaven has meant to me… and will mean in future, I conclude, that the best definition of heaven was what my mom gave it.

I still see her standing by the door, smiling, and telling me:

Heaven is: - All play and lots of chocolates.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

The wedding

“Can I have a moment alone?” I asked my giggling friends as they fluttered around me like butterflies, ohhing and ahhing at my dress and jewelry. “Sure, darling. Just don’t get nervous o.k.?” cajoled my best friend. “O.K” I laughed to assure her. They went out one after the other. “What prank shall we play now?! I don’t like that friend in the cream Kurta. He is so snobbish. Come, we have to bring him to earth”, I could hear Zahra’s naughty words. I smiled and prayed for the safety of the ‘Cream Kurta’ or rather the body in it.

Sigh. I looked at myself. I did look lovely. I was wearing a heavy zardosi lenga choli. It was the typical red and gold bridal wear. I had on me the gold set my mother and his mother gifted. My hands were beautiful designed with intricate mehndi and my face was powdered and they had put some red lipstick which I immensely disliked. I got up and went to the door and latched it. Why I did that, I did not know. Surely, I wasn’t going to do anything crazy? Then why was my hearting beating so fast?

Today was my wedding. My wedding. Those words were so frightening that I felt my eyes water. I controlled my emotions less my kajal went for a toss. I had dreamt of this day since I was five. When along with my friends we used to run to see the bride’s face and then the groom and compare who was more beautiful or more handsome. I pictured myself sitting someday on that chair. When I would be the princess and everyone would fuss over me. When I would get all those lovely gifts and get to wear all those pretty dresses. Yes, I had looked forward to this day since I was five. I had exactly what I dreamt of: pretty dresses, gifts and attention. Yet there was one thing that was missing. Happiness, Joy. A feeling of ecstasy, of fantasy. No, none were there. If there was anything I was feeling, it was fear. What was I doing? Was I really going to get married? Did I really say yes?

I started pacing up and down my room. May be it wasn’t too late. May be I can still say no and everything will be fine. But how could I? My parents, they would be shocked. Heart broken, if I do this they may never get over it. I know they would forgive me in the long run but how could I overlook the pain I would inflict. No, no there was no way of saying no. not this late. Not with the groom waiting downstairs. The Sherbet party was going on and soon all of us would leave for masjid where our nikah would be said. And from there, I would be bided goodbye from my family to my unknown future. An unknown husband and unknown family.

Knock. Knock. I jumped! “Rehana, open the door beta, it’s time to go”. “NO!!” I was screaming. Only it was a silent scream that I alone could hear. I walked towards the door like a zombie and opened it. My mother stood there smiling. She hugged me and kissed me on my cheeks “Oh, my darling daughter. We all dreamt of this day to see you as a bride and see how fast it has come”. I kept quite. I was scared that if I said something, I would mess everything. She sat me down on the bed as she got the dupatta to cover my head and face. My friends came in giggling. “You won’t believe what we did to that kurtawala!” as they went on to describe their prank and his shocked reaction. I smiled like a plastic doll. All made up and for all I cared, going to the glutton.

May be I could faint. Yes, that would be a great idea. I would not be blamed and no one could point a finger at me. Later on I would seek out the man I am to marry and plead him to withdraw from this wedding. Or may be I would meet with an accident and go to the hospital and be there for a few weeks in the ICU. I would be safe in a germ-free environment.

We reached the masjid. No, there was no accident and I was too faint to try to faint. The nikah ceremony started. Deep inside I was screaming. I was so nervous. What if he is a monster? What if his mother burns me? What if he divorces me because I don’t cook well? What if I never have any sons, will he hold it against me. I had seen enough of the world, I was no girl.

“Do you agree to this nikah?” the imam sahib asked me. I kept mum. “Do you agree to this nikah?” I kept mum. “If you do not speak the third time, we shall conclude that you have agreed. Do you agree to this nikah?”

“No I don’t!!!!” I screamed. I got up and ran for my life, I was not going to be burnt and I was not going to cook and cook and cook all my life. I ran and ran and ran until I slumped. I was out of breath.

“Mubarak ho! Mubarak ho!” Everyone started hugging one another. I realized that I was still dreaming and had not really screamed. Imam Sahib took my silence as a yes and now I was married. Married!! I was married!!

And that is how I started my married life my dear daughter. I was naïve, foolish. My husband and your father turned out to be a wonderful man. I was not burnt but I had to cook of course. I can say that in his own way, he has loved me and protected me all my life.

Today you start of your life, and I don’t know if you have any apprehensions. Certainly not like mine I hope… but know my dear. Its natural.

Therefore, don’t go fainting on me!

I love you my daughter. God bless you!