At times in life...

Farhana boarded the aircraft and found her way to her seat. The immigration process had been smooth and she was glad she didn’t have to wait for so long. Soon the plane would take off and they hope to be in Frankfurt in another ten hours. After she settled down on her seat, she quickly gave a last call before they would be asked to switch off their cell phones. “Mama! Take care mama and bring me lot’s of chocolates!” her youngest squealed over the phone. Farhana laughed. “Sure darling. I will get you lot’s of chocolates” she talked to her husband and explained for the tenth time the number of items in the freezer. “I know darling. You take care of yourself. All the best and come back soon! Allah hafiz.” “Allah Hafiz” Farhana replied back and smiled. Ahmed had always been the silent strong figure whom she could lean on to. If she was the general manager of her company, it was all due to him. He had supported her and guided her throughout her career. Ahmed was a major distributor for a textile company and in spite of being so busy; he had always managed both his and his wife’s career along with their family life.

Farhana glanced at the watch. They would be stopping over at London for an hour. She couldn’t wait to get to Frankfurt. Traveling had never a liking... especially air travel. She closed her eyes as the plane took off and said her prayers. There was something about landings and take offs that scared her to death.

When they landed at London, some passengers disembarked the aircraft. After them the passengers towards Frankfurt boarded. Farhana was busy reading her project report file and did not realize her co passenger had come and sat beside her. A few minutes later she glanced up and caught her breath. Why! It was none other than Saleem. “Assalam Alaykum” he greeted her. “Walaykum salam” she replied back. Both of them seemed to be at a loss of speech. They smiled hesitantly and could hardly make eye contact.

“How have you been?” Saleem asked. “Alhamdullilah, good” Farhana replied. “You disappeared after college” he remarked. “Not really” Farhana countered back. “I went back home”. “Of course, home was never London for you” Saleem remarked. “The place hardly mattered. Home is where you feel loved. It’s the people rather than the place that makes all the difference” Farhana expounded. Saleem smiled. “I see you’ve not lost your cheesiness even now” “Nope. Not now, not ever” Farhana affirmed.

They were silent. What more could one say to a stranger who had twenty years before been a very good friend. A friend you had loved… and lost.

Saleem and Farhana had met at the London School of Economics. Farhana was from Capetown and she had looked forward to do her Masters in such a prestigious business school. Saleem on the other hand was a Londoner. He already had his financially firm running when he enrolled in the program. Saleem had noticed Farhana the first day itself when she walked in properly dressed as a Muslim woman. He could not help but admire that being a lady, she was not only smart but she also maintained her Islamic dress code.

Over the year, they had become good friends and soon best friends. Everyone had thought that they would one day get married. Farhana however, had a traumatic past. A past she was trying to forget. A past of a broken marriage, of a dream shattered and a fear that gripped her constantly. She had come to London not only to get her education but also to get away from the life she had left behind. She never told anyone anything. Nor did people know about her. She did however mention the fact to Saleem and he had been disturbed a great deal. He had reacted as though it was her fault that her marriage had broken and he thought it was proper that she should only get married again as soon as possible.

Farhana had been disappointed. She had not expected such insensitivity. Not from Saleem at least but then, weren’t men always men? Would they ever understand a woman’s heart? What she feels, what she hides and what she shows? No, they never would.

It had been on their graduation when destiny took an unplanned route. Farhana and Saleem had been soul mates. Despite their altercations, they respected one another mainly for the good muslim each of two were. It had been rare to find a good muslim friend in London in such a situation. After the ceremony, Saleem asked Farhana what her plans were. Would she take up the offer she had received in London?

Farhana glanced up. ‘Only if you ask me to stay’ she thought to herself. She didn’t really know what her feelings were. She knew she respected Saleem and she had grown to trust him. He had treated her respectfully which had been so contrasting from where she had been. “I don’t know” she said cautiously. “What do you think I should do?” she had asked him. “I think you should get married.” ‘Oh there he goes again’ Farhana had thought to herself. ‘Let me tease him’ “Sure I would love to but you haven’t really asked me yet” she told him with a mischievous smile. “Really? Well why would you want to marry me?” he had asked seriously. Farhana had not realized that what had started as a joke had turned to something serious. “Well...” she stammered. Then deciding to be honest with herself, she took the bold step and had told him “because I feel safe when I’m with you”. Safe. Yes, that was truly what she felt. She felt at peace, she enjoyed his companionship and there was a commadery between them that had been so rare to find. She felt safe- she knew that with him, she would not have to go through the pain she had been through.

“I think you want to marry just because you want to feel safe and protected.” He had replied.

Farhana looked at him confused. She hadn’t meant only that. It was just a feeling she felt… among the other feelings. He was looking at her intensely and then casually remarked, “You know if you would have told me you wanted to marry me because you loved me, I would have married you”.

Farhana had stood still. He was waiting. Waiting for her to say something. “Well then it’s really sad that one has to say the words “I love you” explicitly for the other person to know that they love you.”

With that she had gotten up and walked away. He had not come after her and she had sat the whole night in her room. She didn’t understand what the feelings she was feeling were. Was it anger? Was it sadness? Was it regret? Regret? Regret of what? Of loving a friend for the sake of Allah only to be told that she didn’t love him?

She had caught the last flight to Johannesburg that night. That had been the last time she had seen him. When she reached home, she met Ahmed through a family friend who was over zealous in getting them together and whose life’s mission was to get them married. They had married. They were now married for eighteen years and had three wonderful children. She had worked her way up the company’s ladder and life had been good for her. Faith however, has its own fancies and whims. Today, twenty years later, she now had to face the man whose few words had questioned her very essence.

“So what do you do now?” Farhana asked Saleem. “I run my own firm.” He replied. “How about your family. Your wife and kids?” she asked him. He must have married immediately after graduation. She was sure about that. He had after all been a strong vocalist on the importance of marriage. “I’m not married” he replied. Farhana was shocked. Surely that could not be possible. “How come? Surely you were ever so verbal on how wonderful marriage is” she asked him surprised.

Saleem was silent. A few moments later he told her so silently that her flesh stood out.
“A few months down the lane, I realized that I had failed to understand the one person I truly cared for. I failed to understand her feelings and I had lost her. After her, I never did find someone whom I could understand or who could understand me. I couldn’t find someone whom I could trust and who could trust me. I guess I never did find someone with whom I could feel … safe.”

Farhana felt her heart beat faster. She looked away and tried to blink back her tears. Needless to say she knew who was his friend and a surge of emotion choked her to know that he had at last understood her albeit, too late: very late.

They sat in silence not knowing what more to say and when they reached their destination, they parted in silence.